The Rain
by Kengeta1
Summary: Saotome Ranma suffers from a breakdown.


The Rain (previously Bitter Tears)

The gray sky wept it's depression onto the cold, pale sidewalks. Puddles formed, small pools in which the gray light was reflected back into itself. The gutters ran a deep color of blue by the street, and puddles formed where the sewer, already filled with water, choked back it's death.  
Saotome Ranma silently walked on this pale path, her tears pouring much like the heavens, and her slow, steady walk scattering the small pools of water. She walked, though where she walked to, she was unsure. She only knew that she had to walk, because when she stopped, she thought. And she didn't want to think. So on she walked.  
She had spent the entire week sleeping next to garbage bins, in alleys where rats lived. She had often awoke from her crying, her face numb, her hands locked and paralyzed from the throes of her emotions. She hadn't been sleeping since then.  
So she walked... when she slept, she dreamed... when she stood, she thought... so nothing to do but walk. Walk the pain away. Walk until her legs gave out, walk until her mind gave in to the numbing pain and emotions and when she couldn't walk anymore, she'd collapse on the road, and she'd think, until she collapsed deep in herself, her own mind numbing her far past death.  
Pain... if it could wash away... or if it could be walked away... she wasn't really sure. Her confusion was leaving her... her dementia was going... but she felt no need to stop walking... behind her, darkness, where she was standing, darkness, so she walked into the dark, hoping to find an end, or a light. One as good as the other.  
Her pain wracked mind kept trying to recall everything... but she didn't want to, not yet. She resisted it, the urge to sit and cry and think. She knew that if she gave in, she wouldn't get up again. So on she walked.  
She walked until she realized that she had come to her apartment building, located deep in the heart of Nerima, far from the Tendo Dojo, far from Furinkan High School, far from all the life she had once known.  
She walked to the door through great puddles of water, her heart sinking deep into them with every step. Glancing briefly at the address, the flash of recognition ran through her. Here it was, this drab, gray building in which she had rented an apartment.  
The doorman at the entrance opened it upon seeing Ranma, and then smiled at her. How easy to be happy in the face of another's pain. So she smiled a bitter one back. Reaching the stairs, her hand on the rail, one foot on the first step, she stopped and turned.  
"And what do you have to be so happy about?" She sadly asked.  
"Nothing to be happy about miss." He kindly replied.  
"Then why smile?"  
"Nothing to be happy about, but nothing to be sad about either. For once I ain't got no reason to be sad, ma`am, and for that, I'll smile until I die."  
Ranma just sat there, staring for a moment, before speaking again. "Death... sometimes, we wish it would come sooner." She turned back to the stairs and started up them.  
  
Shutting the door on her dismal apartment, Ranma shut her eyes, and, sighing, leaned against the door for a moment. The soft thud of the rain against her window was comforting, somehow, in the depths of her pain and darkness. She lost herself in it's sound, it's beauty, it's dark, warm comfort. It always did that, now, comforted her. Like even the heavens wept for her pain. She knew that the sky didn't care, that Kami didn't hear her cry. But they couldn't say anything, and if they could, they kept awfully silent.  
Opening her eyes, she took off her jacket, and, hanging it up, went to her small bedroom. The flaking, pale green paint and the lack of heat didn't make it a place she really wanted to be right now. The wind whistled through the crack in the window where they hadn't sealed it up quite right. The electric cords could be seen through the wall in some places. Reaching across the bed she picked up her towel and quickly made it to the shower where she started to run a bath. She sat, even though she didn't want to sit, and waited for the water to rise. When she stopped doing anything, she started to think again. And she didn't want that numbing pain, not again, not again. Shutting her eyes, she tried to remember the good things... when they had first met... when Ranma had first seen her smile... it hadn't been anything then... now, it was a cherished memory. It wasn't a lifeline, she knew. A glimmer of faded happiness, it was only something that, at one point, would be the final push into that dark pit of despair she was already halfway in.  
The sound of the running water made her slowly come to. Standing up and looking over the bath, the steam hit her face. She looked a moment, feeling the comforting warmth of the steam envelop her, till the water level was just right, and then turned it off. She slowly disrobed, trying to make moments in which she did things last, lest she sink into pain once again. Pain, pain, pain. It was her reality, her life, her every waking moment, but only if she thought about it. So she tried not to. Pulling off the last of her clothes, she sank into the bath and felt the familiar transformation envelop her.  
Sighing again, Ranma let the hot water of the bath permeate him and chase away the cold that he had gotten from the rain. Smiling, even, for a moment, at the warmth, he settled his head back, closed his eyes, and screamed as he remembered that last, fatal moment.  
  
********  
  
*AAAAAAAKKKKKKKAAAANNNNEEEE!!!!!!!*  
  
He awoke with a start. He had passed out, lying here, alone, in a bath of now luke warm water. The tips of his fingers and his toes had taken on a prune like feel. Shaking his head to clear it, he slowly climbed out the bath, wishing he hadn't passed out. Grabbing his towel from where he had set it down, he dried himself off and wrapped up into it, the cold making him shiver. Walking to his room, he shut the door, trying not to look around him. The last thing he wanted now was to concentrate on the room he was in.... how unlike the Tendo Dojo it was... he shook his head again. Focus, Saotome, focus... get dressed, stupid. He headed to his dresser, and grabbed the large, gray sweater he had, and a pair of loose jeans. He slowly got dressed into these and, when he was finished, he shook his head to clear the water from his hair.  
The room span... his eyes hazed over with black at the fringes, his mind spinning in time with the room. Grabbing his head to steady himself, the room slowly returned, and the dizzy feeling passed. Hungry. He was hungry, and he needed food. Walking to the kitchen, he began to rummage through the fridge.  
"Let's see... ugh, week old fried rice... old takeout ramen....." His head began to spin again.... muttering to himself about how he hadn't been shopping in a while, he pulled his head out of the fridge, turned, and... suddenly found himself staring at Kasumi, who was busy cutting carrots.  
"Ka..Kasumi?!" Ranma screamed in surprise. As he watched, absolutely stunned, she turned to him and said "Ranma, would you call Akane? Dinner's almost ready..." Ranma stared for a minute, before he grabbed his head. He shook it violently and, when he stopped and looked back up, Kasumi, the carrots, the knife... all gone.  
"Wha... where did Kasumi...." he suddenly sighed and shuddered. He was doing it again... he never realized when he was. Imagining, that is. He only knew he would do it again.  
"I can't be here right now... I need some decent food.." walking back to his bedroom, he opened the door and looked for his wallet. Rummaging through it, he found 4,000 yen. He sighed in relief. More than enough to get a decent meal at that outdoor restaurant he had seen.  
Heading back to the main room, he grabbed his coat and umbrella, and headed out the door, being sure to lock his apartment. He hadn't eaten in 4 days now.  
  
"What would you like to order, sir?" the polite old waiter smiled at Ranma. Though not nearly as old as Happosai or Cologne, he was still a respectable age. He looked at Ranma's old sweater, his torn jeans. Shaking his head a little, he asked the question again.  
Starting from his seat, Ranma looked at the old man, slowly coming back to. "Oh... I'll have..." he tried to focus on the menu, but his vision kept blurring, in and out, in and out. He moved forward, bringing the menu to his wide, bloodshot eyes.  
The old man looked at Ranma with what was now a pitying smile. Patting Ranma on the shoulder, he smiled and said "Don't worry about it", and went back to the kitchen, writing a few things on his small notepad.  
Ranma set the menu down, barely registering what had just happened. He looked out at the wet street from his vantage point in the garden, which was shieled by a small roof that looked similar to that of a Dojo's. A Dojo.....  
  
*Hiryu Shoten Ha, revised, horizontal blast!*  
*You know, Kuno's a REAL sore loser. He's out for blood...*  
*Ranma I thought you said you were going to help me train...*  
  
"Excuse me... sir? Excuse me..." Ranma woke with a start, a hand on his shoulder. Looking up, he relaxed to see the face of the old waiter.  
"Oh... s..sorry about that..." he stuttered, shivering.  
"No need to worry sir.... your food is ready." Setting down a bowl of ramen, he lowered his head to Ranma's ear "I, too, was young once. Depression isn't a good way to spend your youth... you'll have plenty of time for that later."  
Looking over, Ranma saw the old man wink and smile right before he walked off. While he was going, he said something else, but Ranma failed to catch it.  
Not that he really cared that he had missed it. He began to slowly eat the ramen, feeling it return some strength and chase away that cold he hadn't managed to get rid of.  
Of course, what he had failed to catch was the old man warning him about the old roof. How it was leaky and old, and that it might actually give, and to be sure to watch for it if he planned to eat there.  
*SPLASH*  
Ranma sighed, staring at her ruined meal. At least she had managed to get part of it down. Reaching for her wallet, she pulled out a 500 Yen bill, placed it on the table, and walked away.  
  
********  
  
*I'm sorry, Akane....*  
*Sorry for what, Ranma?*  
*For not... ... for not saying this earlier...*  
*Saying what??*  
*....that I lo..love you, Akane....*  
  
********  
  
Ranma awoke to the sound of rain hitting her bedroom window. It was still raining... it seemed like it hadn't stopped since that night over three weeks ago. That night...  
No. Not now... she had just woke up. She wouldn't let the pain overcome her yet, not yet. She had dreamed of it... part of it... and she didn't want to go back into it yet... or ever again...  
Ranma hadn't bothered changing back into a guy last night. Too much of a hassle, and there wasn't a point anyway. She'd just get hit with water again.  
Not like she even cared anymore. There was really no point to anything... she had sat up last night, wondering just why she had bothered to come back here, and to bathe and eat... was she trying to impress anyone? No... she didn't want to live, so why had she eaten?  
But Ranma wasn't asking herself these questions now... that had been last night. Now, she didn't even care enough to bother asking why. No point, no end, no release...  
Getting up out of bed, still in her gray sweater and jeans, she groggily made her way to the kitchen, where she began to look for something to eat.  
Finding something that had escaped her notice last night, she sat down at the table and ate. She didn't want to sit... she didn't want to be here... she didn't want to feel this, this pain, these emotions. She wanted her old life back.  
  
*Morning Ranma! You'll be going to the same school as Akane and me... see you later!* Nabiki hurried past Ranma into the next room.  
*Wait Nabiki! I'll go with you!* Akane sounded desperate.  
*What ARE you talking about? Ranma is YOUR fiance, remember? YOU walk him to school!*  
*That's not fair Nabiki!* Akane rushed out of the room and straight into Ranma's view. Ranma's pulse quickened, her breath shortened... she reached out... if only to hold her, one-  
  
A flash of a dream, she came to. She was sitting in a drab, pale green room, with the paint flaking away, and the rain slamming against the window, making a dull, low sound. She was still breathing hard... her emotions were in a high, and she had been smiling...  
"Heh, you did it again Saotome... but you don't mean to, ever, do you?" Ranma hit herself "But different... it was different... longer... almost real.."  
Reality is what our senses perceive... Ranma's mind could fall for the visions, but her heart was, in the end, only hurt that much more.  
Suddenly Ranma had this undying need to see someone she once knew, from her past life... but where were they, now? What had happened? Sometimes, Ranma's memory blurred.... who could she go to??  
Ah, Dr. Tofu... he was still around, right? Couldn't have left, not now, not when Ranma needed someone the most. Reaching over for the address book, Ranma quickly found the name "Dr. Tofu" scrawled in old ink. Running her finger along the fading page, she read off his number, and, grabbing the phone, began to dial.  
*RING* He had to be there..  
*RING* Couldn't have left...  
*RING* Need someone...  
*CLICK*  
"Mushi mushi?" A tired voice answered on the end of the crackling line.  
"D..dr...dr Tofu??" Ranma asked in a voice that was suddenly very much alive.  
"Speaking... ... Ranma??" Tofu sounded surprised. "Saotome Ranma!?! Is that you!?!"  
"Yes, it is!" Ranma fairly jumped in excitement. "Doctor, I didn't think you were still around! I thought maybe you had left like.. like.." Ranma's voice faltered.  
"No, Ranma... I'm still here. It's been... oh, it seems like it's been forever since I last saw you... come on over, we'll have a cup of tea..."  
  
Ranma awoke again. She looked around. She was sitting on the table, plate of half eaten food in front of her, phone in hand, still ringing. Had it... had it really happened? Had she talked to Tofu??  
*CLICK*  
"We're sorry... the number you are dialing is no longer in service."  
*CLICK*  
Dialtone...  
"...again, again, again, Saotome! How many times in a day? You've been awake not thirty minutes and twice now..." Ranma hit herself again. She had imagined the entire conversation between herself and Tofu... he was gone, she knew he was. He was gone like all the rest of them. Ranma was the only one left.  
She suddenly glanced at the clock. Did she have work, today....? Soon...? Oh, right... ... was she given a week off? She found it hard to remember... yes... yes, she had been given a week off on her job... that's why she was back home, to go to work today...  
It was 9:30... she had to be in in an hour.  
  
"One order of fried rice...oooh, two of pickled garlic.... and one bowl of Ramen, please!" The customer smiled at the pretty young new red-headed waitress.  
"One of fried rice, two of pickled garlic, one of ramen... 954 Yen is your total." Ranma wrote the order down in her small notebook while faking a smile. Walking to the kitchen, she taped the order up to the counter and walked back amongst the customers.  
Male Ranma had, of course, lost his job for not showing up for a week. However, the pretty young redhead insisting that she worked here made a rather good replacement... almost. Male Ranma had been a cook... now she was a waitress. After all, pretty girls worked with the customers, not behind the counter.  
Taping up another order, Ranma made her way to the next table on her run, at which sat a brown haired girl with a calculator.  
"Let's see... 1,098 yen... odds are 1/35... hmmm, maybe I should get someone to 'change' those odds a little..." the brown haired girl continued to mumble to herself as Ranma approached.  
"Excuse me, miss.." Ranma gently tapped her on the shoulder. "Miss? Would you like anything to order?"  
"Oh!" the brown haired girl set down the calculator and picked up her menu. "I'll have a bowl of ramen, three orders of sushi, and one double chocolate shake.."  
Ranma took down the order in her book. "Ramen, sushi, shake, got it... 1,034 yen is your total." Ranma looked down at her. "Anything else?"  
The girl looked back up at Ranma. "No, not..." her eyes widened. "...Saotome?" Nabiki. Tendou Nabiki... though how she was here, in this restaurant, so far away from Ranma's old life was beyond her.  
Ranma's eyes bulged. It really was her... she was here, real, alive! Ranma fell to her knees and hugged Nabiki.  
She opened her mouth and coldly spoke one word.  
"Murderer."  
Ranma looked up... Nabiki was glaring at her. "Murderer," she repeated "Your fault, Saotome... it's YOUR fault... I'm surprised you got away, but you're a murderer, Ranma!"  
Ranma grabbed her head, her vision starting to blur and shake. Murderer... words that had never been said, but had always been there... thoughts that had never been thought, but were, as always, there...  
"Do you hear me, Saotome! It's your fau-"  
Ranma shook her head violently, blurring out Nabiki's voice. Escape, escape! Don't want to be here, don't want to hear this, don't want to see this! Go away, never to think again, never to see, hear, remember, this! These thoughts, emotions, escape!  
She looked up, her head still reeling... the table was empty.  
Nabiki had never been there.  
  
********  
  
*Ranma, what happened?!?!* Nabiki looked scared.  
*I tried... she... she got in the way...* Ranma's voice faultered and his arms weakened. He went to a corner and violently threw out his last meal, then began to cry.  
*Saotome... what happened....*  
  
Ranma awoke with a start, a sheen of cold sweat covering him. He glanced over at the clock... it was 2 AM. He was lying in bed, in this room, this old room, with the flaking, pale green paint, the sound of the wind whistling through the crack in the window, the heavy rain pounding against the glass. What was real, what was fantasy? A dream or a fragmented reality? Was he really here, right now? Or just dreaming he was? Why couldn't he forget all this, forget everything? He didn't want to think about it, oh, it should be so easy just to forget it!  
  
*Forget it, Saotome!*  
*Oh, Ranma Ranma Ranma...*  
*Ran... Ranma.... I'm sorry too...*  
  
A flare of that ethereal light, one borne of darkness, hit his eyes, bringing him back again. He looked at the clock...2:45 AM. Not much sleep... all bad, at that... awake. Stay awake, Saotome. Awake, and you're real. Alive. Here. Stop focusing for even an instant, and you'll dream again. Focus focus focus...  
Akane rolled over, lightly touching Ranma's arm. "Ranma?" she gently asked, her liquid eyes large with worry. "Ranma, what's wrong?"  
"I can't sleep, Akane.." Ranma replied, not looking down.  
"Why is that, Ranma?"  
"Because I'm still haunted by your-" He looked down now. No Akane... just unruffled bed, the sign that no one had been sleeping there, except perhaps him when he rolled over.  
Alone. He was still very, very alone.  
He shuddered and lay back down, burying his face in his pillows.  
  
Rain, rain, rain... it wouldn't stop raining. Raining tears, washing away the streets, trying to cleanse the pained existances on the earth's surface. Weeping for it's lost life, it's lost happiness, vigor, glory.  
He was awake again. Third time this night, this long, endless, night. One in which he never stopped dreaming, never stopped seeing reality. He glanced over at the window. The trim had been painted in that same pale, cheap flaky color of green like the rest of his apartment. The window didn't fit right-it never really had, he suspected, and he doubted it ever would.  
He was watching the window, staring at the rain, oh, how familiar... like a sense of deja vu... can't concentrate... pain... his head began to pound... his eyes misted over with black. A loud sound, like that of a freight train, entered his mind, sounding in time to the pounding of his head. He saw darkness, heard the rain, imagined a light... closer, closer, pounding, ever closer, right there, life, his life, flashing, her, her, her, her, Akane....!... gone. To the side now, that light, that awful, horrible pounding light, one that wouldn't let him rest, the one that took his life, his happiness. It screeched and wailed, running past, not stopping, wailing like a demon from hell, screaming out it's rage and pain at damnation.  
He had the oddest impression that the sky was weeping blood.  
  
Ranma awoke the next morning to that familiar sound of the wind and rain, beating and blowing against his small, ill-fitting window. How many times had it rained? How many times had he thought about it? Too many... every moment was waking pain now, waking deja vu. The rain wouldn't stop, nor would his pain, if only that damned rain would quit!  
Get up Saotome. Get up and relax. Forget the rain, forget your pain, forget, forget. Leave the darkness behind, don't cry, not again, can't cry, you cry, you think, you don't want to think!  
He got up slowly to take a bath... he got out of bed, next to his window. He looked out, past the glass, into what should have been the city... but only that light again... the glass suddenly exploded into his face, leaving large, bloody scratches all over. He fell to the ground, a pile of emotions, his head reeling, his eyes misting, pain, pain, his entire vision rocked... his whole world rocked... darkness.  
  
*Ran... Ranma.... I'm sorry too...* Akane stopped walking, stopping him. The small sidewalk gleamed of the moon, and they were nearly to Dr. Tofu's. She looked deep into Ranma's eyes, her clear, liquid blue orbs reflecting passion and the moon at once. *I'm sorry because... I didn't say it either.*  
Ranma's pulse quickened... his breath shortened. Here she was... Akane... say it, please, Akane, say it...!  
*..I love you, Ranma...*  
He embraced her, crystal tears shimmering down his cheeks, eyes shut tight, his emotions spilling from every possible pore.  
*I love you, Akane!* he leaped for joy, letting go of Akane for only an instant to dance, when he heard it... that horrible noise.. the demon, the one from hell, screeching and yelling, wailing it's cries, telling him to move, move, move!!!  
The light exploded.  
  
A start, he was awake, lying on the floor, the cold making him shiver all over. He touched his face... no blood. He glanced at the floor. No glass. The window?  
Still in one piece, it's crack letting the wind whistle through.  
Another. Another one. Another and another and another till he would see it all, at once, feel that terrible, horrible pain, at once. He couldn't escape, but he could try, hold it off, stay like this, can't feel pain if you ignore it!  
He picked himself up off the floor, slowly reaching for his towel.  
NO!!!  
He could go on, still live, still live without her!!!  
He burst into tears, he could go on, he was Ranma Saotome, he had always been a figher, he could always win, always! Fight! To the end, till you're out of strength, till you have no one left to protect, till it's all done and over with and everything is different and changed and gone, then fight again, fight harder, stronger, you can beat life, anything, just try!  
He grabbed his towel, silent tears streaming down his face, his emotions overthrown.  
Akane!  
You're beautiful, I love you Akane, please, please, I need you, please, I can't stand this, can't take this any longer!!!  
Kami, please, my beautiful, beloved Akane!  
"Forgive me, Akane!"  
  
*Ranma, what happened?!?!* Nabiki looked scared.  
*I tried... she... she got in the way...* Ranma's voice faultered and his arms weakened. He went to a corner and violently threw out his last meal, then began to cry.  
*Saotome... what happened....* Nabiki stared at him fearfully.  
Ranma could only stare, tears streaming down, while Nabiki screamed for everyone.  
  
The light in her eyes faded.... Akane looked at Ranma, smiled. Just a kiss, one sweet kiss, one exclamation, one, one, one...then goodbye.  
No, no, no!!  
Tofu, Tofu, he could take care of-he glanced over at Tofu's clinic.  
No Tofu... no clinic... just a large truck smashed into the remains of a building.  
  
Ranma bitterly sobbed. He dropped his towel. He fell to his knees. He poured his heart out, into his hands, onto the floor, remainders of a life gone by, cherished memories, fading into nothing where existance has no purpose.  
He cried. Cried and cried. Thought, cried, cried more, cried liquid tears of sadness, passion, his soul, his love, his life.  
Cried till there was nothing left, till his eyes teared dryness. Cried till his pain numbed away. Cried until only that smiling image of Akane he had cherished, held onto so long, was the only thing left.  
  
Farewell, my beloved Akane.

-Kengeta

Kinda depressing, um... I guess stuff happens, ne?  
Hope you enjoyed reading it, because I absolutely loved writing it. First real attempt at a fanfic, I tried writing more happy stuff but I found it's just not really my style...  
Any and all comments and questions, I would absolutely love.  
[VegetaX7@yahoo.com][1]

(And yes, this is the final bit. It's all done.)

Legal Jargon

I am, in NO way whatsoever, affiliated with any copyright holders etc of Ranma ½. All characters are copyrighted of their own individual agencies. Feel free to pass this on to your friends if you like, but remember to tell them who made it and where to grab it! This work is fictious and original. I absolutely hate lawyers and courtrooms, and I have no cash, and I really don't like being sued :P

   [1]: mailto:VegetaX7@yahoo.com



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